CONSERVATIVE
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 Kerry's Resume
(thanks to Buzz)
RESUME
Hello. My name is John Kerry and I'm running for President, I think. Please consider my qualifications as set forth in the following resume.
RESUME OF JOHN F. KERRY
RESIDENCE:
Seven mansions, including Washington DC, worth multi-millions.
EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:
College: I graduated from Yale University with a low C average.
Unlike my counterpart George Bush, I have no higher education and did not get admitted to Harvard or graduate with an M.B.A
MILITARY:
I used three minor injuries to get an early discharge from the military and service in Vietnam.
I then returned to the US, joined Jane Fonda in protesting the war, and insulted returning Vietnam vets, claiming they committed atrocities and were baby killers.
I threw my medals, ribbons, or something away in protest. Or did I?
My book "Vietnam Veterans against the War: The New Soldier" shows how I truly feel about the military.
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for U.S. Congress and have been there ever since.
I have no real world experience except marrying rich women and running HJ Heinz vicariously through my wife Teresa.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS US SENATOR:
I set the record for the most liberal voting record, exceeding even Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton.
I have consistently failed to support our military and CIA by voting against budgets, thus gutting our country's ability to defend itself.
Although I voted for the Iraq War, now I am against it and refuse to admit that I voted for it.
I voted in favor of every liberal piece of legislation.
I have no plan to help this country but I intend to raise taxes significantly if I am elected.
I make no or little charitable contributions and have never agreed to pay any voluntary excess taxes in MA, despite family wealth in excess of $700 million.
I voted to cut every law enforcement, CIA and defense bill in my career as a US Senator.
I ordered Boston to remove a fire hydrant in front of my mansion, thereby endangering my neighbors in the event of fire.
Although I claim to be in favor of alternative energy sources, Ted Kennedy and I oppose windmills off Nantucket and Martha's Vineyard as it might spoil our view of the ocean as we cruise on our yachts.
RECORDS AND REFERENCES: None.
PERSONAL:
My wealth so far exceeds that of my counterpart, George Bush, that he will never catch up.
I ride a Serotta bicycle ($2000-$6500).
My Gulfstream V Jet I call "The Flying Squirrel."
I named my $850,000 42-foot Hinckley twin diesel yacht the "Scarmouche".
I don't own any SUVs but my family does, including one parked at my Nantucket summer mansion, though I am against large polluting inefficient vehicles and blame George Bush for the energy problems.
I am fascinated by rap and hip-hop and you had better listen to it as it reflects our real culture.
PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.
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7/27/2004, 11:54 pm
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NoLibs
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Registered: 08-2004
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Re: Kerry's Resume
Don't forget what we know about his plans for office if elected (God forbid). Here is the list of items he has confirmed:
1.) WILL Raise taxes.
2.) WILL use appeasement stragedy in war on terror in order to fight a more "sensative" war.
3.) |
(Waiting.....)
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8/10/2004, 7:34 am
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Herman345
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Registered: 08-2004
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Re: Kerry's Resume
Haha, that was awesome  . It's so relieving to see the truth for a change.
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8/11/2004, 10:55 pm
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HermansWorld
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Registered: 08-2004
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Re: Kerry's Resume
Hey Conservatives, I think that Kerry flip-flops so much that your list is becoming out-dated! hahaha.
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With these final words,
I pull the switch;
we turn to dust (dust to dust).
My name is like the kiss of death
as we embrace
we turn to dust.
-Misfits-Michale Graves is a conservative!
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9/3/2004, 10:04 am
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HermansWorld
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Registered: 08-2004
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Re: Kerry's Resume
I would LOVE to use some of these things on another board. Can I use some of them, or have a link to where you found them?
---
With these final words,
I pull the switch;
we turn to dust (dust to dust).
My name is like the kiss of death
as we embrace
we turn to dust.
-Misfits-Michale Graves is a conservative!
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9/12/2004, 2:53 pm
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