Dearth
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The Cheeky Tricks & Mischief of Nick Cotton!
"Ere Marr"
"Whovv yer gorrt there, Neek?"
"A cappa tea four yar"
"ooh, ah say."
"Wossap Marr? Gawden B'net, I'm not going ter poison yer, am I?"
"Well, yerr tried before Nick... oh..."
"Yerr never let that drop do yer Marr? I told yer, I'm not like that anymore... I'm different narr. That's all behind me..."
"Oh Neek, I wanna believe yer, really I do..."
"Trust me Marr... I wunt hurt yer for the world"
"Okay then Neek, I will. Yer a good boy ter yer marm. Oh. There's no sugar in this Nick!"
"Bleedin' hell Marr, sugar's bayd for yer, don't yer know that?"
"Oh Neek! Yer are trying to look after me aren't yer? Yer a good boy really!"
"Told yer dinn-aye? By the way, can yer lend me some money..."
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"'ere Ma... I can't wait for the Carol Singers coming round... I'm going to pretend not to be in and not give 'em any money! Remember Halloween? I sat in the back room in the dark and pretended to be out di'nt I? Ate all them sweets meself! Blimey, I'm a bad lad!"
"Ooh Nick yer still a wrong 'un... but I fink you've lost yer touch!"
"Leave it out Ma... I'm just warming up! Wait 'til tomorrow... I'm planning on going to Tesco, filling the trolley with stuff, then leaving it in the aisle and going home!"
"Ooh I say! I orffen wondered who did that!"
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"Right Ma... I've had a wash and been to the toilet, and tidied me room I'm off out now!"
"Ooh Neek! Where are you gawwin' don't get into any more trabble!"
"I told ya... I'm goin' to Tesco... I was goin' to do that fing wiv leaving the trolley but nah... I'm only gawwin' for some more bog roll, ain't I? That cheap stuff you got's givvin' me a rash. By the way Ma... do we need any more eggs or milk?"
"Ooh I say! You've changed Nick... you never used to be like this... helpful, and considerate... I'm worried about you!"
"Bleedin' hell Ma! Don't panic - I'm not going to pay for any of it! I'm ganna do the 'five fingered discount' ain't I?"
"Thank Gawd for that! Oooh Neek! Yer still my boy arfter awl!"
Last edited by Dearth, 11/Dec/2004, 15:48
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9/Dec/2004, 13:12
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Dearth
Tourist Guide
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Registered: 05-2004
Location: Wigan, NW England
Posts: 356
Karma: 6 (+9/-3)
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Re: The Cheeky Tricks & Mischief of Nick Cotton!
"Right Marr... I'm off arrt!"
"Awkaay Neek... behave yewerself! Ooh! 'ere... can yer brin me sam siggees back wiv yer?"
"No chance! I'm not goin' to be responsible if yerr chest tykes bad again what wiv the cold wevver an aw'!"
DING DONG!
"Ooh! Y'are thinkin' abaart me Neek - yer a good boy! 'ere... let me get the door."
"'allo Pawleen - samfin' wrung?"
"Nah... it's just that I wanted to come round and scowl at yer no-good son for dramatic effect! So Nick... back on the scene eh? Up to no good as usual?"
"You got me all wrong Missis Far-lar... I've changed narr inn-aye Marr?"
"Yees... he's a good boy narr!"
"You moit be able to fool yer muvva Nick Cotton, but you ain' foolin me... a leppard don't change its spots!"
"Gorr! You always waz an interferin' carr... why don' yew take yer fayce for a cr*p! An' to fink I used to fency yew in 'Ar Ya Bein' Surved'... mind yew - I fencied Missis Slawcam too! Well... I had a trabbuwd choild-'ood dinn aye?"
"Yers... that's true... he was a very quiet child though... used to spend hours in his room playin' wiv knives an' matches."
"Oh! Yerr as beyd as wan-a-nauvva! I'm off!"
DING DONG!
"Who can this be now?"
"Hawwow Tweakuww!"
"Corr bloimey - it's me dead bruvva! Woss gawwin on?"
To Be Continued!!!
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10/Dec/2004, 11:14
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Dearth
Tourist Guide
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Posts: 356
Karma: 6 (+9/-3)
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Re: The Cheeky Tricks & Mischief of Nick Cotton!
“Well Neek - worra bizarre coincidence - fency a Pete Beale looky-like turning up on me dowerstep leyk that!”
“Yerr Marr... but why did he use Pete’s trademark ‘Allo Treacle’ catchphrase?”
“Narr - what is worz... he was a door to door conserve and shugga salesman - worree actually sed worz ‘Allo. Treacle, jam, molasses, marmalade for sale: would you like to buy anyfing?’”
“Oh yerr - I see. That explains everything even though it does sound sumfink contrived. A bit too bleedin’ coincidental for my liking.”
“Yers... I know what you mean - but coincidences orffen heppen round here - like that chap called ‘Albert Square’ who was goin’ to lodge with us that time.”
“Don’ remind me - how confusing would that have bin?”
“Anyhow Neek - that’s sorted all that aart an’ Pawleen’s got over the shock narr. So aintcher gonna carry on wiv yer adventures?”
“Nah... not today Marr, it’s rainin’ - I wuz gonna stay in an’ do a crossword wunn-aye?”
“Oh Neek! Yerv gown soft!”
“Bleedin’ ell Marr giv it a rest - I wuz gonna cheat yer know! I’m gonna use a thee-saw-urous and a search engine to get all the answers!”
“Thank Gawd for that. I do warry abawt you, ye know!”
Next epsisode - Nick makes a sandwich and doesn't use a plate causing his mother to bemoan at the crumbs and salad cream mess he's left!
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13/Dec/2004, 8:45
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