Djjaines
Lovable Rogue Writer
Global user
Registered: 09-2005
Location: In me own head.
Posts: 672
Karma: 8 (+8/-0)
|
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
Tonight We Die
This Silent field,
Of rock and stones,
No longer haunted,
In the night there are no,
Ghosts that will roam,
Howling and Wailing,
Tonight.
Where is everybody?
Everyone!
Death hangs over this place,
In mists that coil, coil around,
Everything.
---
Daniel: Master of malapropisms and Danisms.
Danism: Using stupid sounding or vague descriptions to put what may be an intellectual point across.
Beatrice: You really put the "W" in anchorman don't you?
|
|
9/30/2005, 1:17 pm
|
Send Email to Djjaines
Send PM to Djjaines
AIM
MSN
|
Edge44
3rd year Batmanian
Global user
Registered: 09-2005
Location: Everywhere
Posts: 1095
Karma: 5 (+6/-1)
|
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
Re: Tonight We Die
Definitely haunting... line 4 seems a little cluncky  but like I've already said, I know nothing of poetry, so ignore my useless babble...
---
"Everything's relative..."
|
|
9/30/2005, 2:00 pm
|
Send Email to Edge44
Send PM to Edge44
|
ideallynotme
Registered user
Global user
Registered: 09-2005
Posts: 818
Karma: 11 (+13/-2)
|
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
 Re: Tonight We Die
edge, you`ve read it so you are qualified to comment, so just comment and if you are wrong then tough, because it is what you think.
agree on the 4th line. i like the first part, the second seems like a quick add on.
|
|
9/30/2005, 5:58 pm
|
Send Email to ideallynotme
Send PM to ideallynotme
|
Djjaines
Lovable Rogue Writer
Global user
Registered: 09-2005
Location: In me own head.
Posts: 672
Karma: 8 (+8/-0)
|
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
Re: Tonight We Die
To Fully understand the layout you have to read more than the lines.
T
O
N
I
G
H
T
W
E
D
I
E
---
Daniel: Master of malapropisms and Danisms.
Danism: Using stupid sounding or vague descriptions to put what may be an intellectual point across.
Beatrice: You really put the "W" in anchorman don't you?
|
|
9/30/2005, 6:41 pm
|
Send Email to Djjaines
Send PM to Djjaines
AIM
MSN
|
Edge44
3rd year Batmanian
Global user
Registered: 09-2005
Location: Everywhere
Posts: 1095
Karma: 5 (+6/-1)
|
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
Re: Tonight We Die
Okay, no more apologising from Edge... 
---
"Everything's relative..."
|
|
9/30/2005, 7:05 pm
|
Send Email to Edge44
Send PM to Edge44
|
ideallynotme
Registered user
Global user
Registered: 09-2005
Posts: 818
Karma: 11 (+13/-2)
|
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
Re: Tonight We Die
well dan, obviously to keep to the layout you really had to force the last lines, they lack the quality of the first. not being nasty, just honest. oops too much like an apology.
|
|
9/30/2005, 7:22 pm
|
Send Email to ideallynotme
Send PM to ideallynotme
|
Djjaines
Lovable Rogue Writer
Global user
Registered: 09-2005
Location: In me own head.
Posts: 672
Karma: 8 (+8/-0)
|
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
Re: Tonight We Die
*sigh* I spent a good hour in the cemetary writing that ... 10 - 11 pm
---
Daniel: Master of malapropisms and Danisms.
Danism: Using stupid sounding or vague descriptions to put what may be an intellectual point across.
Beatrice: You really put the "W" in anchorman don't you?
|
|
9/30/2005, 7:51 pm
|
Send Email to Djjaines
Send PM to Djjaines
AIM
MSN
|
ideallynotme
Registered user
Global user
Registered: 09-2005
Posts: 818
Karma: 11 (+13/-2)
|
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
Re: Tonight We Die
ha! i can only imagine!!
|
|
9/30/2005, 7:53 pm
|
Send Email to ideallynotme
Send PM to ideallynotme
|
Edge44
3rd year Batmanian
Global user
Registered: 09-2005
Location: Everywhere
Posts: 1095
Karma: 5 (+6/-1)
|
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
Re: Tonight We Die
Cemetary? People get arrested for that.
I think the term for forcing the writing into a planned manner is called contrived, but hey, what art isn't contrived...
---
"Everything's relative..."
|
|
9/30/2005, 9:32 pm
|
Send Email to Edge44
Send PM to Edge44
|
ideallynotme
Registered user
Global user
Registered: 09-2005
Posts: 818
Karma: 11 (+13/-2)
|
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
Re: Tonight We Die
CONTRIVED 
|
|
10/1/2005, 12:54 am
|
Send Email to ideallynotme
Send PM to ideallynotme
|