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Lulu 34
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Cancer's back :(

well as many of you will know the cancer is back emoticon

i had a pain in my chest about 6 weeks ago and noticed a boney lump on the right, which is my affected side so phoned up breast clinic and got appt to come in and get checked.

was told it seemed more boney and not typical of cancer and they would do an ultra sound scan of the area which showed absolutely zilcho emoticon

.

i wasnt due for my routine annual mammo til june but they said they could do it that day but there wasnt any need as there was nothing suspicious so i took their word emoticon

.

the specialist nurse said she would bring me back a month early for my routine mammo.

so last thursday i went in had my mammo never thought anything of it as everybody had told me there was nothing to be concerned about.

so on monday i was a bit surprised emoticon

when they phoned to say my mammo was suspicious on the left side.... they said nothing too urgent but we have appt for thursday.... errrmmm like in 4 days? emoticon

thats pretty urgent to me.

they had phoned just before i was leaving for work but by the time i got there i was a nervous wreck and as soon as i walked in my colleagues knew something was wrong.... i burst into tears emoticon

and didnt know what to do.... thought if i stayed it would take my mind off it but saw one patient and couldnt concentrate so was sent home.

i phoned the brest nurse to ask her what it all meant and she got back to me and said the results from the mammo said.... thickening on left peripheral area probably benign.... i hadnt even felt any lumps on the left.... but that night had a wee feel about and thought i felt something which felt smooth not a lumpy lump like the last time and this reassured me a little bit too.

i felt really relieved even though i was still a bit worried emoticon

and couldnt really concentrate but managed to go back to work on wednesday as i knew they were short staffed for that clinic..... and the doctor i worked with was a gp and though she might be able to tell whether it 'felt' suspicious but like me she thought it felt quite smooth.

the next day was my dad birthday and mammo recall day.... i really thought it was gonna be a cyct this time and all my friends would be thinking id been a bit daft getting all stressed out for nothing....

but on the mammo the radiographer showed me the 'suspect' area and it looked like the suspicious mammos id sat up all night studying 3 years ago.... kinda fuzzy black and white like an xray with and big white blob..... big white blobs arent good emoticon

said they would want to do an ultra sound for more info.

so went back to the empty waiting room with walt and waited.

i got called in and the radiography assistant was ever so nice really reassuring and chatty and i guess i felt relaxed cos i still didnt think there was anything up and in came the consultant....

he examined the area a lot and i could see the screen and could see the black hole in the picture.... black blobs arent good on ultra sounds emoticon

it kinda looked like a figure of 8 fatter at the ends and narrow in the middle.

he said he expected to come in and see a fluid filled benign growth instead he was seeing something solid..... something needed to have biopsys taken.

so i was very brave getting local in... we were laughing about how im happy to do it to other people but hate getting things like this done myself emoticon

the biopsy thingy is horrible it makes a loud clicking noise and feel like you are getting a hole punched out deep inside.... he got a couple if biopsy and did a bit of poking about..... i kept my eyes closed cos i didnt want to look.

afterwards he asked who my surgeon was as he wanted me to come in and see him ASAP and off he went...

i asked the radiography assistant if i would have to wait an hour for the fine needle aspiration results like i did the last time and she said he never took one..... i was horrified.... that was the thing that told you if you had cancer and i needed to know today.... it was my dads birthday and i had been lying to my parents about being off and i couldnt keep pretending everything was ok emoticon

she went off and brought the consultant back he told me hed spojen to my surgeon and i was to see him 1st thing on wed am.... i told him that i was upset he hadnt done an FNA as i wanted to know that day.... so asked him straight out if he thought it was benign or malignant.... "most definitely malignant" emoticon

we had a discussion about it and whether it was likely to be secondaries but he said no it looked like a new primary.... it was very kind of him to be honest with me and not just fob me off with we'll have to wait.

i had managed to stop crying emoticon

when i went back to the waiting room which was now full and walt was waiting round the corner in the very end seat.... and i just said its not good news and burst into tears.... there were so many lovely ladies in the waiting room and they were so comforting and really nice to me.... i was the youngest there by about 20 years.

we went for a coffee walter and me, to calm down and phoned my sis who never knew she was at work this time i really upset her but i was too shaken to drive and walt hadnt passed hsi test yet but wouldnt have been able to drive either emoticon

we were going to my folks... the kids were there and i was supposed to be working til 7.30 so i knew when they saw me they would think something was up.... i was really worried about telling my mum....

she took it really badly.... hysterical.... really screaming.... running through the house.... i felt so bad for her.

its so hard to believe i have it again cos iv done all the things im supposed to... eat healthy most of the time, take my tablets, cut down my caffiene, eat vegetables and fruit, take 3 mile walks 4 times a week, i didnt even think i was that stressed.

i just didnt think it would come back... not so soon any way.

think after wednesday when i know what im dealing with ill feel better.... i dont suppose i would be lucky enough to have a second slow growing small tumour with no lymph node involvement.

lucky white heather hey

---
Lulu
EN RN RM FPC

16/May/2009, 1:32 am

Midnight Princess
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Re: Cancer's back :(

Black cat, Lulu! I'll wear mine every day for you.

It must be such a rollercoaster of emotions for you. It's a good sign that this is a primary rather than mets.

You know, a lady locally has had umpteen recurrences of her BC. She had her first primary diagnosed back in '93 and is still alive and kicking after umpteen recurrences, mets and courses of chemo! Not long ago she'd found out she had cancer in her lungs and was having more chemo and she's OK.

Keep positive!

You're doing all the right things by taking care of yourself and you have the right attitude. To boot, you're always here for us on the boards as well as your patients.
We care about you, so stick with us.

xx emoticon

to cancer!

16/May/2009, 3:06 pm

Lulu 34
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Re: Cancer's back :(

Feeling really anxious today.... not sure why... not upset but kinda panicky emoticon

and my boob is a bit sore and achy probably just nervous about getting my results on wed emoticon

hate all this fear of the unknown.

---
Lulu
EN RN RM FPC

18/May/2009, 3:10 pm

sonmcpherson
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Re: Cancer's back :(

Hi lulu
I am so sorry to hear that its back !! I have not been a member long but your knowledge has been invaluable !!
I would just like to say emoticon

that to the cancer !!!
Thinking of you and good vibes coming from Kent emoticon

18/May/2009, 10:15 pm

kev21
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Re: Cancer's back :(

Hi Lulu i didnt realise till today about the cancer returning ,just saw the words on your msn.Ime so sorry chic it must be a hell of a kick in the teeth for you after the last episode , i just wanted to send my love and thoughts to someone who i feel i know through the forum as a kind and loving person.Hang on in there lulu be strong and dont let the bxxxxxd grind you down.

Kev emoticon

---
goodness returns threefold

18/May/2009, 10:53 pm

Midnight Princess
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Re: Cancer's back :(

I hear they've cut away the lump and you're on the mend.
Take things gently.

emoticon

22/May/2009, 8:31 am

Lulu 34
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Re: Cancer's back :(

its 3.30am on the 3rd of june and roaming aimlessly around cyber space crying my eyes out emoticon

and trying to find some answers that will make this all seem better but there just arent any.

after surgery to have a wide local excision (WLE - more commonly known as lumpectomy) and sentinal node biopsy (SNB - where they inject blue dye into your boob to help identify lymph node involvement)on the 21st of may (last breast surgery i had was 22nd may 2006 coincidentally) and the promise to be discharged that night which never really transpired due severe post op nausea and vomiting emoticon

which completely floored me for 2 days resulting in my discharge on 23rd.

had to wait til yesterday 2nd june for results... and had gone through every scenario in my head just about.... thought i could deal with what ever they told me but i cant.... im sad.... im angry... im bloody pissed off! emoticon

its a triple negative tumour which meand its oestrogen receptor (ER) and progesterone receptor (PR) negative which means conventional treatment like tamoxifen or aromatase inhibitors have no effect, its alse HER2 negative which means herceptin has no effect.

the only treatment is chemo.... and although i expected chemo because it was a high grade (grade 3) tumour i thought it would be like my last cancer and be sensitive to some hormones so i could have ongoing treatment.

when i was scanned by my consultant on the 20th may he said the tumour was about 1cm if that.... which was great however when it was examined after surgery (the following day) it was 1.9cm almost double the size emoticon

and had an area of DCIS (ductal carcinoma in situ which is pre cancerous cells) which made the total side 2.5cm.... i was shocked it was such a big area.

the SNB i had highlights the nodes most likely to be affected by cancer cells and my consultant also uses radioactivity where he injects radioactive material along with the dye and then uses a gieger counter to identify where the main nodes are.... the blue dye follows the same path that a stray cancer cell is likely to follow. only 1 of my nodes was removed and it was negative which a really good thing however the cancer had spread to my lymphatic system meaning there is a much higher chance of recurrence or spread.

its just a bugger to have to have this again.... its not fair to have it once but a brand new unassociated case is bloody incomprehensible.

both cancers respond to different treatment and i have to stop the treatment for the first cancer to treat the second one... although the first one is a much less aggressive type.

other worrying things are the fact that this type of cancer is associated strongly with the brca1 gene mutation.... this is a hereditary gene which i could have passed on to my daughter emoticon

seeing my oncologist on 12th june to find out more about chemotherapy already been told its likely to be E-CMF (epirubicin, cyclophosphamide, methotrexate, fluorouracil, which is also known as 5FU).

just feeling a bit lost tonight emoticon

---
Lulu
EN RN RM FPC

3/Jun/2009, 4:06 am

Midnight Princess
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Re: Cancer's back :(

Hello Lulu,

Yes, this cancer has no respect: it's a blighter.
But you're stronger and your oncologist and you are going to fight it together.
The treatment's not far off and when you next see the specialist you can sit down with him and will be able to work out ways of managing the side effects so that many are prevented from before even taking the first dose.

Do you visit the Breast Cancer Care site?

emoticon

3/Jun/2009, 8:43 am

sonmcpherson
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Re: Cancer's back :(

Hi lulu
I am thinking of you and hope the oncologist has some tricks up his sleeve for you !!!! emoticon

they are the best doctors in my humble opinion !!!! Thinking of you emoticon

3/Jun/2009, 8:39 pm

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