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Going after what i want, whatever that may be (All trig warnings*)(journal)
Thanks ruth
Im so glad to hear that me being sectioned wont go against me on this course because im really looking forward to it.
I havent heard anything from the unit yet but im seeing my psych on tuesday. Things havent been going so good recently. I burnt my right ankle and left foot on wednsday night. I didnt go to hospital till thursday afternoon when my outreach worker picked me up and took me. Idk what happened i just lost it and couldnt hold off any longer.
My food is sore but my ankle doesnt hurt, the foot burn is bad the ankle one isnt from what i saw of them. Then last night i didnt have a drink and it made me feel so angry and aggitated i found a piece of glass and cut my arm, hand and thumb with it.
Woke this morning feeling really urgy and triggered so stupid me took an abilify, dont ask me why because i have no idea, i though it might help but instead it made me feel really ill and i only found out im not supposed to take them with the meds im on when i text my CPN this morning  so ive been really ill all day.
Got up this morning and spoke to my dad and then decided to go to his house for a few hours. I was down and depressed this morning and told my dad i just needed and hug and for someone to tell me its going to be ok. When i got there my stepmum made me a cuppa even though i said i didnt want none, all the animals came bounding over to see me  my fave dog is penny.
I stayed there for about 4 hours when my stepmum went to the ice-cream van my dad called me over and gave me a big hug,he was hugging me for half an hour telling me how much he loves me and how he held me when i was in hospital fighting for my life. It felt really good.He asked me if i felt loved and i was honest and said no i didnt. So he said he loves me.
I came home with 2 bags of new stuff a new phone and a lovely photo of my nephew. Mum made me eat curry when i came home because im supposed to be drinking with a friend tonight so i ate the curry and when i got the chance i went and purged. I felt so sick and didnt really want it.
Then my friend text and said she wasnt coming down for a drink, so i had just wasted my money buying booze when shes not coming. My mum is having a drink anyway so ill just drink with her, but it really annoyed me, she always does this.
Anyway im off to crack open a bottle x
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These hands are too shakey to hold
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4/9/09, 19:04
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Going after what i want, whatever that may be (All trig warnings*)(journal)
Last night didnt go so well.
I burnt my leg with CS again, i was in so much pain last night it really hurt. I couldnt sleep because my leg was burning so bad but i didnt want to take the CS off i wanted it to burn my badly. But it burnt my just not badly enough which means i have to do it again
Im struggling with depression right now really struggling i feel low all the time and all i do is sleep because i have no energy to do anything else.
I phoned the crisis team last night because i felt so low and they called me back today and had a chat with me which helped, they didnt judge me or fob me off and told me if i needed them tonight then to ring they are always there.
Havent done much today at all. Woke at 6:30am and made a cuppa and then i went back to bed at about 1pm and stayed there till 6pm. I cant do anything tonight because my friends little girl is staying over so i have to be good tonight but tomorrow night i plan on burning my left foot, the whole foot badly. Its a thought thats in my head and wont go away.
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These hands are too shakey to hold
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5/9/09, 19:14
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Im thinking of u. xxxxxxx
