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Thea wrote:

I am the very model of a modern Númenorean

I am the very model of a modern Númenorean;
My voice is clear and ringing and its volume is stentorian.
I'm Estel and I'm Aragorn, and Elessar and Strider, too
I've hunted orcs and trolls and wargs, and sometimes a Black Rider, too.
I'm pretty good at fighting and you'll find me where the dangers are;
I'm fearless and invincible, as all the other Rangers are.
My walking pace is what for lesser peoples would be scurrying -
I never tell old Butterbur the reason for my hurrying..
He never tells old Butterbur the reason for his hurrying
He never tells old Butterbur the reason for his hurrying
He never tells old Butterbur the reason for his hurrying
My sword is old and busted but I wield it with impunity
And draw it out and flourish it at every opportunity.
From Anduin to Arnor and from Cardolan to Lorien,
I am the very model of a modern Númenorean.

I'm very good with herbs and stuff, my hands are deft and surgical;
My power with things like athelas is almost thaumaturgical;
I can summon back the Nazgûls' dying victims to reality,
And track you down a Stoor with a divided personality;
I got a gal in Rivendell who's centuries my senior,
And rival even hobbits with my skill at Nicotinia.
In all the wars of Gondor there is no-one who is gallanter -
And no-one else who has the strength to look into a Palantir
And no-one else who has the strength to look into a Palantir
And no-one else who has the strength to look into a Palantir
And no-one else who has the strength to look into a Palantir
I can guide you from the northern ice to distant plains alluvial.
And sing you all the songs about my ancestress Tinúviel:
From Anduin to Arnor and from Cardolan to Lorien,
I am the very model of a modern Númenorean.

In short, when Rhûn and Harad have been battered to docility,
When Faramir has yielded up supreme responsibility,
When all surviving orcs have switched to diets vegetarian,
And when my son is reconciled to being called Eldarion:
When Isengard has been secured so none get in or out of it
And Gimli's lot have fixed the gates that Grond had knocked about a bit;
When I have learnt from somebody the rudiments of government
And a sapling of old Nimloth has consented to discoverment
And a sapling of old Nimloth has consented to discoverment
And a sapling of old Nimloth has consented to discoverment
And a sapling of old Nimloth has consented to discoverment.
To be the King of Gondor is my duty and I'm bound to it,
And one day it may happen when I finally get round to it,
From Anduin to Arnor and from Cardolan to Lorien,
I'll be the very model of a monarch Númenorean.

I hurl myself against the foe with courage and avidity,
And maybe just a soupcon of inherited stupidity.
So if you want a sherpa for a toddle through the Hithaeglir,
Or need a human champion who's not a jerk, like Boromir,
Check out the heir of Isildur with any good historian;
He'll tell you I'm the model of a modern Numenorian.

by Andrew Wells - originally from alt.fan.tolkien and/or rec.arts.books.tolkien

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