theheartcentre
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403-02 FEAR
Hi everyone,
We all have fears, but fear itself is not the stand alone problem or issue, it is always followed by at least two words, FEAR: of falling, of water, of anger, of pain, of confusion, of whatever the traumatic, terrifying, and shocking experience was that caused us to split, (fragment) with one part of us living in the constant abandonment and helplessness and the other part judging and afraid of the first part and of ever having to experience that again. Fears are not something to be gotten rid of or denied as is the popular misconception of how to solve our problems by becoming fear less or having no fear. Fear is an ally, a friend that can show you where you have lost or abandoned parts of you that needs your love and acceptance. If you try to deny your fear by controlling your experiences and your life so that you will never have to face the real issues, you limit your life and your experiences, based not on choice, but denial. When you have truly healed your issues you will be fearless in the presence of love and not in denial. Yes, you can mentally program yourself NOT be afraid of water, but that is in TOTAL DENIAL of the part of you that is terrified, and you further shove this part of you so far away that it may be impossible to heal in this life time.
For example, let us use "fear of water." For as long as you can remember, or if it was a highly traumatic or re-occurring event you might not remember, you had an incident with water. Now water is not the problem or the real issue, but how you feel about water, that is the issue. You presently believe that water is a real danger, a threat, and so you have customized your life to exclude: swimming, not living near water, going to the beach, going boating, going on a cruise, flying over water and driving near or over water. And maybe you even have issues with a bath, shower, rain or even watching a movie that has any of these issues. Not only do you control yourself, but you also control others in your life, your mate, children, relations, friends, work and the list goes on with all the things that you try to control so as to not trigger any fear memories of the original suppressed experience.
Now this is only one fear, multiply that by hundreds or more and you'll begin to see how limited your life really is and that is what we are doing to ourselves with denial. That is how we live our lives, in FEAR and DENIAL, not LOVE. But we believe that we are protecting ourselves from further harm, keeping the bad or "negative" out from entering our walled and impenetrable fortress, when in reality, what the walls are really doing is keeping us prisoner in a fortress of our own making. And our world and life gets smaller and smaller as we build these wall of denial higher and higher. This part of us that feels it is protecting us, will defend it's position with a variety of beliefs, projections, what if's, and doubts all in the name of love and what is best for us or others. When it actually is denial, plain, and I was going to say simple but it is and isn’t simple. It's simple once you have experienced healing a fear issue, and you wonder, my god, why didn't I realize that before, look at all the energy I wasted trying to keep this thing out when it wasn't even out there, but in me!
Going back to the water, suppose that your mother told you as a child of 5 years, not to play by the river. However, for whatever reason you went to the river and accidentally fell in. You were alone, and no one was there to help you. You felt yourself slipping down the bank and plunging head first into the water, splashing frantically, mouth gasping for air and gulping water instead. Your heart beating almost out of your chest, you slip under again and again, but somehow you make it to the side of the river bank and are able to climb to safety, coughing and spitting up water. What feelings and thoughts went though this frightened and terrified child? Maybe you felt alone, confused, and terrified that you were going to die, maybe you even had an out of body experience and that confused and terrified you even more and the list goes on and on.
So now this little child, soaked and chilled to the bone returns home, and is greeted by the mother who, at the sight of the traumatized child, is activated into her own denied terror and heartbreak, but she quickly denies and moves past it and into anger and rage. She puts a guilt trip on the child for having disobeyed, and all the problems the child caused or could have caused. Maybe even spanks the child for getting its clothes wet or dirty or for disobeying and to listen to what mommy says as it's for your own good and that maybe that will teach you a lesson you wouldn't forget. Or, at the other end of the denial teeter-totter, maybe she uses a more "so-called" loving and gentle approach, (in denial again of her real feelings) and says, "that's OK, don't cry, and don't go to the bad river or water again." Well you got that right; you never forget it, because in BOTH cases, you were denied and never allowed to really express what you felt during and in those terrifying and confusing moments after the original experience. Instead, you did everything in your power not to experience anything like that again.
So how do we heal this? We begin to heal it by not denying it as a part of our experience. And to do that we need to feel and express what the other part of us was left to hold and feel all this time. The part of you that is reading this, who did what it had to, to survive the first experience, feels you can’t survive or that we can't survive if we feel it again. But that is a false belief and only a projection that keeps you in denial and from healing this lost part of you.
Maybe you've done some therapy or "inner child" work on this but it never really got resolved and you feel what's the use. True healing is impossible unless it is done in the moment. Making an appointment and going for therapy every Tuesday at 11:00 a.m. isn't going to do anything for you if you're feeling the emotions on Sunday evening. Your emotions are trying to reach out to your mind that has cut them off and by the time you go on Tuesday, your emotions have been further denied for two days. You can't demand your emotions to obey your mind because if that were a truth, you wouldn’t have any problems with your emotions would you? When you're being activated or triggered into this fear of water, that is the right time and the only time that true healing can occur. By allowing that child that was frightened, alone, confused and in terror to express all that it couldn't at the time of the experience do you bring love and acceptance to that part of you, that you have done your best to reject and deny all your life. So it isn't water that you're really afraid of, it's that "emotional part" of you that you don't want to feel that is the real issue. While I have briefly touched on the "inner child," I have discovered, while on my inner journey, the existence of an "outer child," fragmentation, but that is another topic.
We all have fears, but what keeps us limited is the BELIEF that we have to deny our fears and keep them a secret. We also believe that if we express our fears that it or someone will use it against us and we will be vulnerable to attack and we will not survive. So to keep us safe, we need to hide and deny we have any weak points in our armor or fortress, and so we pretend that we are perfect and untouchable. We have also been lead to believe that we have to deny expressing these feelings and emotions because they are deemed "negative" and that we have to accept "denial" as a "positive" approach to controlling emotions and like I've said before, in reality WE are killing ourselves. (And isn't that the cosmic joke). Once you have touched and accepted that part of you, your fear of water will be gone. Not totally and instantly, as you've had a life time of water denials and experiences that you also have to heal, but it will not be in the same original energy. And slowly with baby steps at a time, water becomes a part of your life again and maybe you will grow to love the water you once feared and hated.
So why this story? I don't know, but we all have fears and most of all secrets, we don’t want anyone to know about. It's up to each and every one of us, to look at the walls we have built up around our heart centre, and the beliefs that we are protecting that last little bit of our heart that we don't want to get hurt or killed. What we need to do is to take a good look and see who is really doing the hurting and killing in secret and denial, behind these walls.
Love, light and Life
Shenreed
"Healing begins in the Heart"
Edited to correct HTML errors (' ")
Last edited by theheartcentre, 7/Feb/2004, 10:18 am
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12/Jun/2003, 12:01 am
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anarchist1
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Re: 403-02 FEAR
Okay, here's an interesting fear. Fear of walking. I had a really awkward way of walking in highschool and was told that I walk like a geek or a retard and was teased and laughed at. In gym class we all had to go through certain laps individually to demonstrate we knew how to do something while the rest of the class watched. I could remember the whole class snickering as they watched me run through the laps. To this very day I'm terrified of walking. I feel okay when I'm wearing a thick jacket and baggy jeans because it hides my awkward posture and I can stick my hands in my pockets. But that's a problem when its 30 degrees in the summer and no wind. It's also a problem at work. I work in a call center and I'm filled with dread whenever I have to get up and go to the cafeteria or the bathroom. I walk past rows, and rows, and rows and rows of cubicles filled with people gabbing to each other when they're not talking to customers on the phone. And every time someone laughs or snickers my heart starts to pound and my eyes flick back and forth, wondering if they're laughing at me.
If I could free myself of this fear I'd feel like a paralyzed man who could suddenly walk again.
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7/Feb/2004, 8:14 am
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theheartcentre
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Re: 403-02 FEAR
Hi,
While you are aware of your present fear and when in high school, you need to remember the cause of your fear, before highschool! It just didn't "suddenly" happen without a reason a cause! When you stop trying to deny that you have this fear and really face it, then you will begin the process of healing it.
Shenreed
PS: If you can't remember, then that is what you use meditation for.
Last edited by theheartcentre, 7/Feb/2004, 10:20 am
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"Healing begins in the Heart"
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7/Feb/2004, 10:11 am
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