theheartcentre
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403-01 Denial, Fear and Confusion
Hi everyone,
Intertwined with fear, is confusion. While you may say that you know why and what your fears are, that is only a part truth, because if you truly knew and understood what you feared, you would no longer fear it. There is always a denied fear present and it is this denied, unknown fear that adds to the confusion. It is this confusion, the unknown that is just as terrifying as the original trauma. If you werent confused, you would know and understand your fear and be fearless. While you have memories that your mind (Altered Ego) pulls up to say are facts and things that you know; all that you really know are your judgments about your experiences. Your mind uses these judgments, disguised as facts to project future experiences because you fear the unknown and a repeat or worse experience and you also feel you are not in control and this terrifies you.
The reason you dont know your fear is because you havent accepted it. Explaining or narrating what happened or what will happen, is not in the present moment, the now experience, and while you may say that you are expressing your emotions including your fears, past experiences and future projections, you are not expressing yourself unconditionally. If you were, you would allow yourself to be carried back to the original traumatic experiences and to express all memories, emotions and physical reactions that come up in the present, now experience. Before you can heal a fear, you have to know what it is. Before you can know what it is you have to accept that it happened. To accept that it happened you also have to accept the feelings that werent expressed during the experience.
Buried in denial and confusion, under your false beliefs and false emotions lies the truth, your real fear and the experiences and emotions that were denied expression. At the root of your original experience was confusion and pain and it is these two factors that imprinted and programmed you to re-act as you do to your present experiences. Re-act is a reenactment of the original experience; all be it in a different form, place and time. When you are truly in the moment you will respond fearlessly, in love and not react in fear. You will no longer be confused when denial is seen for what it really is and is no longer present. Awareness of denial is necessary to begin to eliminate confusion and our fear of the unknown.
John Rieger/Shenreed
"Healing begins in the Heart
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11/Jun/2003, 11:23 pm
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OSheen
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Re: 403-01 Denial, Fear and Confusion
Wow. I am in denial ... but have not yet accepted what it is. I feel it right near the surface, and have for a long time. Most of my life I have lived in a state of terror, but conciously I do not know why. Since I was about five or so I would sneak out of bed and play because I was afraid to fall asleep ... I was afraid of not being alert, because I was somehow vulnerable then. Often, I recieve flashes of "something"--pieces of a face, or sounds, but it paralyzes me so utterly it is driven back down. At times I hear my name called, and again, the cold paralysis takes over. I do not understand how we can block so much of who we are, that a whole life changing experience can be not looked at. I have a suspicion that my entire life, as I remember it, was based on a complete and utter lie.
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15/Jun/2003, 5:17 am
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theheartcentre
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Re: 403-01 Denial, Fear and Confusion
Hi Oshean,
I got goose bumps as I read your post as I "felt" your realization that your life has been a lie. That's what this site is all about, ending the lie and the illusion, by ending our denials. WELCOME HOME!
Regards
John
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15/Jun/2003, 10:12 am
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OSheen
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Re: 403-01 Denial, Fear and Confusion
It is weird ... I feel drawn to this board throughout the past two days.
I tried your idea of moving from side to side to bring up denial ... and nothing specific came up but when I begna making sounds it hit me after awhile that it was a phrase ... but sort of distorted, but it confirmed a suspicion I had. Eventually, I began singing like a little kid "I know, I know, I know" and I didn't realize it at first. Then, it became "I see, I see you in there .... I see you hiding, hoping, dying in there ... I see you waiting for me, I see you waiting for pleasentry" over and over again.
I hope it comes up soon ... I have been trying for along time. It is getting frustrating.
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16/Jun/2003, 2:43 am
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OSheen
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Re: 403-01 Denial, Fear and Confusion
Well, I decided with all my might to go on a raw food diet ... which I have been struggling with for the past few years. Truly, when I am on it I am calmer and relaxed, and I have a greater trust the universe. My intuition also improves, so I am hoping that it will bring up my suppression of memmories ... and any denial I have about things.
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20/Jun/2003, 4:31 am
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flickchic
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Re: 403-01 Denial, Fear and Confusion
hi, i found I have intutition, have major problems trusting it though. Denial, has become a big issue for me, I have added to my journal today quite a bit about how I've always denied ME, to "get along" and how I have now chosen to do what I feel I am comfortable with. Another denial I have been looking at quite hard is denial of whole being. I have denied my inner child for many years, denied that I was ever a teenager, denied the domestic violence I lived in, denied my worth denied my Right to Will, there is probably a whole lot more, I am finally begin to accept ME, the things I have hated about myself, like them or not they're all there, it appears to be a better CHOICE to accept them as being a part of me and what I am. I did a lot of work on self worth and self esteem and learnt to present myself as such, very out-going, vibrant, happy, full of jest, underneath I have only recently acknowledged, through John I will add that I hated myself. I felt so ugly on the inside, whilst I have shared some of my stuff over the years there has been so much buried in there that not only did I not want to know about there was no way on this earth was I sharing it with any one else either.
I have more to add, as always. am short on time so later.
take care, smile and be happy.
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20/Jun/2003, 4:50 am
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