This board is multifaceted, crossing various topics from New Age, spirituality, metaphysical, psychology, physical issues, relationships, emotions, self-help and more. It is created for those who seek change and desire to empower themselves, to live life as an expression of who they really are in unconditional love. If you think/feel that your life and this world full of denial, fear and unlovingness is totally opposite what you desire, it is no coincidence that you are here.
To say that this board will be controversial is an understatement as it goes against almost everything society presently believes to be true about emotions, feelings, life and love. But then why wouldn't it be controversial if the desire and goal is the opposite of what is presently being experienced! To empower yourself, you need to be open to challenge everything you believe to be true, especially about love, life, emotions and feelings and also be willing to end your denials of self.
I openly share the knowledge, tools, messages and insights that I've gained through sixteen years of intensive personal experience and in working with others on their journey. Feel free to visit the various forums and posts and to also add your personal experiences, comments and questions. It is my intent that the ideas and works that will be discussed within this forum will not only expand your consciousness, but also activate your emotions and touch your heart.
In love, light and life,
John Rieger aka Shenreed| My Profile | |My Manuscript | |Saysame | | My Blogs | | THC - Tribe | | shenreed---at---yahoo.com |
The Heart Centre
408 - Inner & Outer Child
408-04 My Outer Child
theheartcentre
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Registered: 06-2003
Location: Toronto, Canada
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Reply | Quote 408-04 My Outer Child
Hi everyone,
Here is a brief intro. to healing my outer child.
I was born in Canada and while my parents were also born here, went to school and knew English, German was the only language I knew. Life at home on the farm was hell and I was looking forward to school for friends and relief from the unlovingness I was experiencing. I went to an English Protestant school in the nearest village and instead of finding relief; I was in another hell. I was confused, heartbroken and in terror as I couldnt communicate with the other children or teachers. I couldnt ask questions, nor could I understand what they were saying to me. All I could do was feel. I was very intuitive and while confused, I knew that what I was feeling from them wasnt loving. I was beaten up at school almost everyday until I was in grade six, when I was finally big enough to one by one, beat up the six bullies and then they left me alone. However, that was not the end of the abuse as we moved every year for the next five years and each time it was a different school and new people. I had no friends but lots of enemies.
As Ive already shared, what Ive learned these past years and have begun to heal is that whenever we have a traumatic experience, we fragment. By that I mean that a part of us, for me, the boy that started school fragmented out of me and was lost in space in time, while the part of me that survived, the now adult me, tried to live a normal life. That lost part of me was confused and also very intuitive but because of the language, I couldnt communicate and being beaten only programmed and imprinted me further, which was to haunt me all my life expressing itself in various ways. I tried to be a good, so-called Christian and to please other people, but no matter what I did, nothing ever worked as eventually it was always me that was wrong. And so I blamed my emotions and my intuition as the problem and that if I didnt have them, then I would be normal like the others. But no matter how hard I tried to deny these feelings, they would not go away because what Ive learned is that these feelings belong to me, the lost me that has been so desperately trying to get back inside me, for me to love and accept.
Other people would trigger or activate me and I would do my best not to fight or be angry but always, I was the loser. The heartbreak and terror I felt, but denied that first day in school when I couldnt speak the language or communicate what I wanted to know or express what I was feeling, programmed me so deeply, that in the subsequent years, I wouldnt allow myself to ask questions or express my emotions or intuition. As a result of my fragmentation, this is how I lived my grown up life. I didnt think I was heart broken or in terror as I classified myself as a good person but having perfectionist traits which I falsely believed made me better that others but I was never really happy as I felt that I wasnt good enough. Anger and rage I could express, but only as a last resort when I was confused and frustrated. When I finally gave myself the self-love and acceptance for this lost part of me to ASK questions when he was confused and to also express what he was intuiting, my world changed. By doing that, I took my power back and that lost part of me became a part of me again. Now there are other parts that I have lost that I still need to reclaim, but this is part of the process.
Love, Light and Life
Shenreed
Healing begins in the heart
To heal, you must feel, and to feel, you must be real
I just want to add a brief PS to what Ive already posted.
I must also mention that I had some vague conscious awareness of my first day at school and the beatings I took before I started doing inner child work. During my inner child work I had several strong emotional and physical releases including anger and rage. But even with all the multiple inner child releases and healing something was still missing, The inner child healing created and opening to later find what I would come to call my outer child.
As with the inner child, awareness of my thoughts and feelings, and not being in denial of expressing them was the key to the healing experience. When I had my healing moment with my outer child, I didnt go though an emotional or physical release like I did in healing the inner child. While I had awareness of what my issues were with my inner child, the awareness of the issues with my outer child were completely different and something I had never even though of or was aware of. The whole experience was more of an aaah-ha! moment, as time stood still and the truth was made known.
Love, Light and Life
John Rieger/Shenreed
"Healing begins in the Heart"
To heal, you must feel, and to feel, you must be real12/Jun/2003, 12:24 am Send Email to theheartcentre Send PM to theheartcentre
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